Back when I was a teenager, my friends and I went through various nicknames for one another, mostly for discreet note-writing purposes. In junior high, we all had different secret agent names (I was Agent Double-O Cool, my friend Kim was Agent Double-O Weird, Amy was Agent Double-O Sexy … sometimes, for brevity’s sake, we’d drop the “Agent Double-O” part, so sometimes I was just Cool). Before that, near the start of junior high, we all had boy names (I was Henry, Alana was Joe).
Enter high school and I moved to another town and had brand new friends to make up nicknames with. This was basically just me and my friend Briana, because for most of high school we were each other’s main friend. I revived the secret agent names for us. I don’t remember what hers was, but we added a fun element to our secret agent letters where we wrote at the end that the note would self-destruct. We’d read the letter, crumple it up, and toss it in the hallway on our way to class. None of the notes actually included any real-life, personal or relevant information. It was more for a fun gag to play on whatever fellow student happened to find the crumpled note on the ground.
I don’t even remember how it began, but eventually we ended up with dirty superhero names inspired by the Batman universe. I was Batcunt. She was Pussywoman. In our senior year, we came up with names to assign our friends in line with the theme. We didn’t tell them all the names we’d given them. It was more for us to keep up the charade. What’s quite unfortunate is neither us had the creative or artistic wherewithal to take this pornographic version of the Batman tales any deeper than converting the names. So if any of my more ambitious, talented friends thinks they can make something of it, feel free. Here’s a list of what we started, should you be inspired to finish it:
Batcunt: The vigilante alter-ego for Loose Wayne, a female billionaire in Floggem City.
Throbbin’: Batcunt’s trusty sidekick.
Pussywoman: Floggem City’s antihero who has an ambiguous relationship with Batcunt.
Commissioner Hard-On: Batcunt’s ally on the force.
The Stroker: One of Batcunt’s greatest enemies, an evil psychopath who dresses like a clown.
The Diddler: A clever and comical adversary of Batcunt, who puts together puzzles for others to solve his crimes.
The Cock: Supervillain who loves birds … a little too much.
Two-Sex: Hermaphrodite Pervy Dent’s evil persona.
I Wanna Be The Queen Of All The Bellyrubs Now 